Recently, at Bible study, we took a step back to be led by God. We each smashed a lovely tea cup against the unforgiving patio, in a harmony of chimes. These battered beauties undoubtedly needed love. So, we took them in and assessed the damage. Through this we were called to reflect on our life and pray. This simple task elevated to His holy stage. What loving insight did He want to share tonight?
Imagining my life as a tea cup was very fitting. I once was innocent and whole, but I am broken. I have fallen. I have made bad choices. I have had bad intentions. I have fell short of His perfect plan for my life. I tried many times to pull the pieces of my life together, but I only have two hands. I can only hold a few pieces at a time. I can't love others as God loves me, while holding tight to my past, present and future. How can I run well with my arms full of doubt, shame, disappointment, and regret? I have spun and smashed my tea cup through life, with my limited understanding of my value in God's eyes.
My self-service was what shattered my tea cup. In an attempt to build my own life truths, I encouraged new cracks. Some of my choices hit me so hard, slivers of me have been completely destroyed. I will never be able to rebuild my life. My original shape has been ruined by my own agenda.
Unknowingly, I developed comfort in my ways. There are areas in my life God desires to restore. Some of them I am unaware of. I am naive to many of my jagged edges. However, there are others I don't want changed. After all, it's not that bad, right? Nope. God is completely perfect. Even one scratch tarnishes perfection. None is better or worse than the other in God's eyes. While there are some cracks God is working on healing, now. Praise be to Him that there are some He has healed. Relationships have been restored. Stress and anxiety has been confronted. Doubts have been removed. Frustrations and anger have left my heart. He is freeing me from myself through His soothing love.
Temptation often gets the best of me. Frequently, while He is mending me, I fall back into my own desires. Sometimes it is habit and I unintentionally repeat it again. In other cases, I resist healing because I don't want to deal with it yet. I'm not ready to change. Satan knows my weak spots. He plays dirty. There is no low-blow he won't inflict. He is always there to put thoughts in my head to pull me into my own pleasures and away from God. He convinces me it is no big deal. I can always change later. In the mean time, he intends to crack me more.
Jesus died to be the glue that holds my shards in place. No matter what Satan does to break me, he will never beat my Savior. I believe Jesus paid for my life with His selfless example of surrender and love. He loved me by giving up His life for me. When I acknowledge my need for Jesus' sacrifice before God, and ask to be forgiven for making choices against His will, He immediately removes that burden from me. He forgives without question. Jesus died so that I could be forgiven. "He personally carried (my) sin in His body on the cross so that (I) can be dead to sin and live for what is right. By his wounds (I am) healed" 1 Peter 2:24 edited NLT. Jesus holds me together, freeing me to run with ease and joy.
Through meditating on my life, through gluing this simple tea cup back together, God revealed to me His faithful love. I have made mistakes. He knows I will continue making mistakes until I die, but He still loves me. I need to let Him make me new. He is not finished with me yet. I need to let go, trust and embrace His plan. "'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts'. " Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT. My understanding is very limited. I need to seek hard after His plans and trust Him, through faith, that He knows best. Living for Jesus means a life of faith. To live outside of myself is only something God can make possible. I can not save myself. I can not free myself from the confusion and shifting ways Satan uses to trap me but He can! I have to let Him in, to change me from the inside out.
I will always need more refining to be made more like Him. It won't be easy, but it will be a blessing. Romans 5:3-5 (NLT) encourages me in saying "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." I have gaps, overlaps and holes. God sees my imperfections and faithfully works on me. As long as I live I will have cracks. I won't be made completely whole until I reach Heaven. However, the openings are not bad. In fact they are a blessing! He fills my cup with His love and it pours out through the cracks in my broken life and out into the world around me.
God's spirit compels me to share how Jesus has and is changing me from the inside out. To explain the changes in my life, I have to openly share where I have been and the ways I went wrong. Those are my cracks. But Jesus saved me from my past! I am continually being transformed and I pray I will continue to embrace His healing grace. I will never look at a tea cup or a person the same again. God has softened my heart with His love yet again.
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